There's a little idea I've had for a while for a short story, flash-fiction, or poem thing. It's off kilter, but I keep thinking about it. Here's my first attempt. (It's not a parable about the dangers of using your cellphone all the time, at least, not intentionally.)
She heard a cellphone ringing underneath her skirt
and moved legs marked with grass-lines and dirt
and saw no phone. She went back to the book,
somehow difficult to read underneath a tree,
even in afternoon, but there was still a sound of ringing.
No other Sunday lazers in sight. So she ground her thumb down,
wondering how insane this was, but hey, that ringtone was louder.
It reminded of her of sitting in the car as a preteen, fat, arms crossed, still
waiting for dad to pay, listening to classic rock as greasy-necked guys
in JNCO-jeans wandered around the gas station parking lot. Creedance, maybe? No,
the ringtone was something else. She had a whole fistful of clover roots now.
Who would bury their phone? Total freaking bullshit, since she had a
cracked Android. Maybe it was that Spandau Ballet song they played at eighties proms
(based on movies of the era). I know this much is true. Maybe not. It sounded more like
modern stuff, that big bass, lyrics about ecstatic partying, a lady voice.
She looked down and saw a beak, which bit off two fingers, which leaked.
Probably it needs substantial editing. I just sort of typed up the most literal version of my idea, which is: a woman is sitting in the park and reading and hears a phone ring, realizes it's underground, starts digging, can't quite place what the ringtone is, something snaps off two of her fingers (and, possibly, she tries to tell someone who doesn't believe her). In the best possible version, I'd like it to be a playful little ditty about how hard it is to tell what things even are (even classic rock songs), and how hard it is to tell someone a story which you believe and which you believe they won't believe. Any yum-yum thoughts, or exercises, or suggestions for improvement?
1 comment:
S. nice post! I remember you mentioning this idea to me many months ago so it's cool to see your first sketch of it! I enjoyed the poem -- I especially like how the first five lines have a lilt like metered poetry (and the first two lines are a rhyming couplet), which gives the words a sing-song feel (subtly reflective of the ringtone perhaps?). After I read the whole thing I couldn't help but be reminded of Gogol for some reason. I would really love to read a short-story version of this idea! Maybe for your next post??
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